Log: USS Nirvana: Received dire news from Mission Control. Asteroid on target to strike Earth. Resources for follow up terraforming missions being diverted to Earth defense. Notified to expect additional six to twelve months delay before second Mars mission.
Col. Michael Jameson, Commander
Nov 14, 2066
We are AMOK, the Clan of Mastery and Elan, unlike those SCUMBAGS across the way, the Desert Rats. To truly understand our Noble Cause, standing as Terra's Defense of Last Resort against those cheating, FARP-sitting, Hippo-Supping Desert Rats, sworn to defeat them again and again and again, you must learn the truth about their malevolent and twisted Chieftain, NoBody.
As brothers, we always fought. NoBody was clearly Mother's favorite, and, with his smarmy charm, could always steal anyone's heart (which, on at least one occasion, he literally did). The only happy times I can remember were the days we'd sneak into a meeting of the Terra Youth Group and lob a few "rat bombs" into the crowd. What fun, fur flying, panicked screams echoing! It was a real 'sharing' moment for both of us. After they all ran off screaming we'd happily butt-heads until our ears bled.
The day of the Impact, we were on one of our usual excursions into the mines, preparing to rat-bomb another Youth meeting. NoBody kept complaining (he always was such a baby), so I let him rest at an intersection while I bravely pushed on. Wishing to teach him a lesson in responsibility, I cleverly hid behind a rock and urged him to join me, shouting brotherly encouragements. Imagine my horror when the dolt rushed right past me and, before I could stop him, headed blindly down the wrong tunnel! With concern for his well-being foremost in my mind (and NOT because I was afraid of what Mother would do, as HE claims), I raced through the tunnels to find him. Of course, by this time, we were deep down the wrong tunnel. His foolishness had gotten us completely and utterly lost.
I was preparing to physically instruct him in the folly of his ways, when he attacked me with vicious force. I tried to warn him, but he was in a blind, jealous rage, unaware of anything until the roof caved in. Covered with a light dusting of soot and debris, we were otherwise unharmed.
Physically, at least. My brother's eyes were unfocused, and he seemed to have snapped, kicking and screaming at the inanimate rubble. Just as I opened my Mouth to calm and comfort him, he seized me bodily and proceeded to use my open mouth as a shovel, digging us deeper and deeper into the mine. Eventually we broke through, and found ourselves in a deep cavern, its walls lined with huddled survivors, looking on in horror at my brothers brutality. Imagine my surprise when he started raving that I was a savage, driven mad by the dust, and that if they didn't seize me immediately, I would kill them all! I patiently reasoned with them, but only about half listened - the other half tried to stone me!
The rest, as they say, is history. It took us years to dig our way to the surface, fairly dividing the meager Youth Group stores, even though my brother's gang rarely helped at all with the digging). Once above ground, NoBody ran amok, grabbing the first unmanned Rhino he found and mercilessly hunting down my unarmed comrades. We were forced to arm ourselves in self-defense, and have ever since been tirelessly defending Terra against the Plague of DesertRats.
- NoOne, Chieftan of Amok